REMEMBER OKCUPID? Book chapter preview

There are few areas in my life where my inner compass has spoken as clearly as in love. Still, finding that clarity took its share of trial and error.

Here’s a preview from The Art of Attunement about that time  I fell in love - madly.

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The pond

When the bottom of a pond is stirred, mud clouds the water and obscures the view. But if the water is left undisturbed, the silt begins to settle and the world below reappears: there are water plants, tadpoles, the flicker of beautiful fish that was invisible to the eye before.

2012. The year I want to know what love is.

“Why don’t you sign up for one of those dating apps?” my intern proposes over his sad-looking salad. “You’ve been with your ex for 11 years, isn’t it time to see what’s out there?” I make a mental note not to burden him with my love life again. The poor guy came here to learn about open data, not to act as my therapist.

That evening, alone in my tiny furnished apartment on the 11th floor, I log in to OKCupid for the first time.

That’s where the chaos starts.

There is the poet who doesn’t want to fall in love, but does.

Then the compliance officer who asks me to be his girlfriend, but then takes another girl on his lap at his birthday party where I don’t know anyone but him.

The tuba player whom I explain I need more depth in a relationship - after which he offers he’d be happy to fight more often if that’s what I want.

There is the creative entrepreneur who whispers that the only way to leave his apartment is through his bedroom.

There are the married colleagues I secretly kiss after parties, while I long for belonging and they long for adventure.

Two years of confusion.

Exhaustion

Self-abandonment.

A limit.

“I’m going to practice complete abstinence, starting today,” I yell in my friend’s ear at a rowdy house party. “Sure you do,” she grins, pointing at a gorgeous Brazilian man in a tight royal blue T-shirt. I see him, return his radiant smile, and know exactly how sure I am.

Six months alone.

My body is rested.

My mind is clear - if a bit bored.

I meet my now former intern for dinner. Throughout the years I kept hiring him to give talks at my open data seminars. In a cozy restaurant at the canal we both order andijviestamppot*. We talk about life after OKCupid, about work, about friendship, about beauty and nature and music and everything that makes life worthwhile. He listens deeply, shares honestly. We laugh loudly. It’s 1:00AM on a Wednesday, and I realize I am madly in love. It doesn’t matter that he is younger than me, that he has yet to write his master thesis. This is my man, and my whole body knows it.

And so I tell him. No hiding, no fear of rejection, no playing it cool.

“I am in love with you. I can’t pretend we are just colleagues-turned-friends. I hope you feel the same.”

A month later, he moves into my 50m2 apartment.

*a traditional Dutch dish.

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That was sneak preview #7 👀

I am so curious to hear from you! How did this story resonate with you? How do you know that you are in attunement, or not? I’d love to hear from you.

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